Blind Intentions: The Outtakes
by SammieLynnsMom
Summary: These are outtakes for Blind Intentions. They will be of various scenes and multiple POV's. Rated M for lots of reasons.
1. Tanya's Point Of View

**So I took a random twitter poll and asked if you'd rather see all the outtakes at once or as I do them. Majority said as I did them so here is the first of many. I have two more planned and should post before Christmas. Another planned for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence Campaign and a few more as time opens up! **

**Thank you to stupidlamb118 for betaing and morethanmyself for pre-reading. **

**I don't own Twilight.  
**

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_"Hey babe, I'm sorry it's going to be another late night. I'll call you back later, I gotta go."_ The answering machine beeped signalling the end of the message and I sighed. I had just walked in from picking Nathan up at his bus stop and noticed the blinking red light.

I hated that blinking red light.

Every time I'd see it I would know it was another excuse. Another "late night" or "another surgery popped up" or "I'm sorry"...the words changed, but the meaning stayed the same.

That blinking red light was just another reminder that I was married to a different man than I thought I had

When Edward and I first met it was pretty much love at first glance. He was a doctor, and although he had many redeeming qualities, I wouldn't lie and say that his money wasn't attractive. I had been raised with parents who made a little more than average, and I liked knowing Edward could provide the stability I craved in a husband. When he asked me out I really expected to feel indifference once I got past his face, but then the more I learned the more I fell in love with him.

Immediately, Edward told me about his son and his mother. He explained the situation to me, and although he told me the initial reason why they broke up had to do with the fear she was after his wallet, I knew the second I met her that wasn't the case. I was always secretly jealous of Bella because she shared something with Edward that I hadn't, but in the same breath I pitied her. I saw how the Cullen's treated her when it was very obvious to me she was not after anyone's money. However, it didn't stop me from jumping all over her to ensure Esme continued to like me.

Meeting Esme Cullen scared me to death. I feared she would accuse me of the same thing she had done to Bella. Edward hadn't brought anyone else home since her, but my fears were gone within the first five minutes. She immediately loved me and for that, I was thankful.

_"Mom, this is Tanya," Edward gestured to me. _

_Esme cocked her head to the side for a minute before turning her lips into a smile. _

_"You're as wonderful as he told me you were." _

From that day on, we were as thick as thieves.

Alice and Emmett hated me, but I later learned it was because Esme gave me such a quick approval. I didn't know the exact details of their significant others, but I did know Esme did not like Jasper or Rosalie.

My relationship with Edward seemed perfect. He was a complete and perfect gentleman, albeit paranoid about birth control, but I understood that quirk.

"Edward, can't we skip the condom tonight?" I whined. I had been on the birth control shot for years now and had never had a scare, and I couldn't stand the feel of rubber.

"Tanya," Edward sighed. "I'm sorry, but..."

I cut him off with my lips and let the subject drop. He never wavered, even after we were married.

The changes didn't start taking place until we were married and moved in together. Slowly I watched him spend more time at the hospital then normal or with Nathan. I never wanted to take time away from his son, but I felt like he was using the hospital as an excuse. My fears were confirmed when I overheard a conversation he was having on the phone with his dad.

_"What shift?" Edward asked into the receiver._

_"Eight PM to eight AM," Carlisle answered._

_"Ugh, I hate that time frame, but yeah I'll take it," Edward affirmed. _

_"Are you sure? I can try and find someone else, you just got married and I know you need time." Carlisle gave Edward the perfect out, but Edward still jumped at the shift. _

The very next day he told me about adding a new shift and said his dad just couldn't find anyone else to replace it. In my head, I was screaming _"LIAR!"_ However, I smiled and nodded and did my best not to cry.

There was a point where I had considered Edward was cheating on me, but then I stalked the hospital for a few nights and realized he really was just working. It didn't stop me from trying to seduce him, but I was generally rebuffed. He was tired, he had a headache...he sounded like a damn girl.

When I broached the idea of children I didn't miss the eyes widen or look of repulsion, before he explained he wasn't ready yet. He also didn't touch me for over a month after that.

"Miss Tanya," Nathan's thoughts brought me out of my thoughts.

I looked up and noticed Nathan was holding out his homework assignment to show me he had it done. I took it, looked over his answers, initialled before handing it back to him. His teacher was having trouble with the students doing their work, so a parent had to initial the assignment to ensure they knew it was done. Since I knew Edward wasn't coming home, the task was left up to me.

"All of your answers looked correct." I smiled back at him.

"He's not coming home is he?" Nathan questioned and I shook my head no. His face didn't fall anymore. Nathan now expected it.

"Do you want me to call your mom?" I asked. Although I had absolutely no problem with him staying in the house, there had been a few times where he'd flat out asked to go home to Bella.

He nodded so I picked up the phone.

"Working late again?" Bella asked after she picked up the phone.

"Yeah, I offered to call you and he nodded," I explained.

"I'm on my way." Bella disconnected the phone, and had him picked up fifteen minutes later.

Four hours I was parking at a Seattle hotel where I was meeting Garrett.

Garrett and I had known each other almost our entire lives. We disconnected when I moved to Washington, but with the explosion of social networking sites he had found me on MySpace. What started off as talking turned into an affair. I wasn't proud of it nor did I flaunt him around, but it just happened. Edward and I had turned into roommates while I took care of his son when it was his turn for "visitation".

"Don't you look stunning," Garrett beamed when he saw me. My heart still longed for Edward's love, but Garrett at least wanted me. He was also married, but battling through a lengthy divorce.

"Thank you," I whispered back before he had me pinned beneath him on the bed.

Garrett made me feel like a woman as he ravished me from head to toe. Every time he flew in I felt more alive and I knew I could reasonably be happy with him forever. The problem was Garrett didn't have a lot of money because of child support and divorcing his wife, Kate. Thankfully, I had never met her, but she sounded like a real wacko from the way he described her.

"We could kill him," Garrett suggested that night as I laid in his arms.

"No," I snapped. I was initially appalled at the mere idea of killing him...of killing anyone.

"Tanya he's made you believe you're worthless and his son doesn't even know him. When you divorce you walk away with nothing. At least if he's dead you get his life insurance."

I sighed. He had a point.

"Tanya, think about it. You get the money, we meet up a few months later, and we both get out happily ever afters...together. It'll be perfect. We can buy a house on the beach, make a few babies...I swear I'll do anything to give you want," he kissed my forehead. "We could be perfect, Baby, can't you just see it." He took his arm out and motioned in front of him. His bigger picture was far brighter than the one I lived in now.

As much as Garrett's explanation made sense, I agreed to nothing that night. I couldn't just agree to go and have someone killed, I needed time. Silently I prayed that Edward would still change, even thought I knew hoping was futile.

I drove back home to my empty house and waited for Edward to come home. Several hours of waiting later, I got a hug and kiss goodnight. No 'how was your day' or 'you look lovely'...just nothing.

I was so angry and hurt and resentful that I called Garrett and told him I was in. I had spent too much of my life loving a man who didn't love me back and I deserved compensation. What I didn't count on was having to put Nathan in the middle of it.

"So I was thinking I could get Edward to agree to go on a vacation with me," I explained over the phone. "We could have some freak accident or something. No questions asked."

Garrett and I were bouncing ideas off each other as to how to make Edward's death look like an accident so I would receive his full benefits without too many questions.

"That may work. Do you think he'd go for it?" Garrett wondered out loud.

"He's been promising me a vacation for like ever, so it should."

I looked up at the clock and realized it was about time to go pick Nathan up from his bus stop.

"Hey, I need to go get Nathan." I had just realized the time and he was about to be let out at his bus stop.

"We can keep talking later, but what are we going to do about the kid?" At first I didn't realize what Garrett meant, so I stayed silent. "Tanya, I guarantee Edward's will has everything being left to that kid or at least most of it, so he's got to go too."

"I can't kill a child," I stated seriously. The mere idea made me nauseous.

"You don't have to, I will. You just figure out the logistics." Garrett rattled off different ideas he had and each one made me ill to hear.

"But..." I started, but Garrett silenced me. We hung up and promised to talk later.

We got off the phone and I dashed upstairs. If I ran I would still make it, but I had to find Edward's will. We both had them made up shortly after we were married, but I'd never looked at his before that day. I grabbed it out of the safe and read as quickly as I could.

My heart dropped when I realized Garrett was right. Not only was Nathan receiving the house, but most of his assets and a larger portion of his life insurance.

I tossed the papers back into the safe with the intention of cleaning up later and bolted out the door. I made it to his bus stop with only seconds to spare.

Nathan greeted me with a smile as he waved goodbye to his friends. As the bus pulled away and we began out trek home I realized what had to be done. I also had just figured out how we were going to do it.

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**So I hope everyone enjoyed this. I am very sorry it's shorter than my average chapters, but to be honest, much more of Tanya would have me gauging my eyes out. Yours too probably. I want to say that I in no way expect people to think I'm trying to make Tanya redeemable, because I'm not. I just wanted people to see she didn't always start out evil, but in the end, she turned that way. She may have some good traits, but not enough to take over the bad. **

**Blind Intentions will be updating tomorrow night. I'll do my best to update before my daughter's dance lesson, but I'm babysitting another toddler in the afternoon so we'll see. **

**Totally OT to BI, but The Cherry Exchange just started voting today. I wrote a o/s called Breaking Faith that stars a ChristianWard and ChristianElla! Check it out and vote :) **http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2530160/The_Cherry_Exchange


	2. The NonOne Night Stand

**So, here is outtake #2 of I don't know how many I'm doing! It's title- The Non One-Night Stand! Enjoy  
**

**Thank you to kas90 for betaing and morethanmyself for pre-reading. **

**I don't own Twilight.  
**

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"Jessica, why am I here?" I sighed for the thousandth time.

"What?" Jessica shouted back at me over the music.

A frat party.

_How did I give in to this?_

Jessica felt the need to drag me out of our dorm room and to this party. Her other friend, Lauren, bailed, and she said she couldn't go alone. Buddy system at all. I said no over a hundred times, until I eventually caved...I would give anything to just shut her up.

So here I stood, in the middle of the Alpha Omega Pi frat house. The lights were dimmed, but the tacky disco ball hanging in the center of the main room gave off enough light to see where you were going. The music was too loud and not my style. The people were pushy, and no one seemed to notice me.

"Hey, there's Mike," Jessica tried to whisper, but more like screamed in my ear.

_Mike. _

The reason why she begged me to come.

"I'm going to go say hi, will you be okay?" she semi-yelled again, and I nodded. Anything to get her to shut up.

One night. I could survive one night and go back to my studying. I had a paper due the next day, and I still needed to edit it. I figured two hours was more than enough time to stay before I left with Jessica or bailed.

I found a corner near the base of the stairs and glued myself there. With a drink in hand, I'm sure I looked bored more than anything, but I kept scanning the room to see if I recognized anyone. So far, no one beyond Jessica.

I took a few sips of my drink and was knocked into by an overly tipsy blonde on her way up the stairs with some blond hair guy on her arm. Half of her drink went flying onto the front of my shirt and the other half landed in my cup.

"Oooooo IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm soooo slowrrr-eeeeee," she slurred out as I brushed the front of my top down. Thankfully, it wasn't much, and my top was black, so you couldn't see it.

"Come on, Vickie," I heard blondie coo before they disappeared up the stairs and out of sight.

Without thinking, I took a sip of my drink and almost spit it out. The girl was obviously into tequila, which was my least favorite alcohol. I didn't go out much, mainly for lack of time, but I knew what I liked.

I was about to step out of my corner to grab something else when I spotted him. His bronze hair stuck out over the crowd, but it was his eyes that drew me to him. He looked about as awkward as I felt. Our eyes met for a brief second before I looked down. I could feel my cheeks starting to flame and was surprised to see he was making his way over to me.

"Hi," his velvet voice was loud enough to be heard over the music since they'd changed from a fast tempo dance mix to slower mood music.

"Hey," I responded and gave an awkward smile.

"Are you okay, I saw that girl bump you." God this was embarrassing, how many others had seen that too?

"Yeah, I need a new drink, though..." I held up my cup. "I'm not a tequila drinker."

He laughed and nodded.

"Here, do you drink beer?" He raised his bottle of Budweiser to show me the label, and I nodded.

"I don't think either one of us want to go near the drinks, we can just switch." He motioned with his head towards the kitchen that was currently filled with at least three separate couples making out and a guy doing a beer stand.

We both sorta moved to the beat of the music while we talked for a bit. About a half hour later, I spied Jessica making a move to leave with Mike. I went to take a step towards them but felt light headed.

_Crap, what did they say about mixing liquor with beer? _

_Liquor before beer and...fuck, my head hurts._

"Hey, you okay?" he called out to me, but I felt like he was a million miles away.

I can't remember replying, I just stared..

"Let me get you home." He took my arm and helped me out of the front door. "What dorm?"

"I don't...fuck, I'm drunk." As I talked, I realized my head was clearer than I sounded.

"Do you have your key on you?" I nodded and went into my pocket.

"Okay, come on, we'll figure this out." Now Edward's voice started to sound weird.

_Dark._

_Fuck, I'm not drinking again._

_Ouch...Jessica owes me a new pair of jeans...I think I just threw up. _

_Fuck, it's dark..._

_Bright lights...oooo bright lights..._

_This smells familiar, what is that clicking...oh, my door. _

_Home._

_Dark..._

_Darker..._

"I don't..." He didn't sound so good.

_Even darker..._

_Ouch..._

_What is..._

_Black. _

"Ooo," I whined as I woke up. I tried to open my eyes, but they shut on their own as soon as they hit light. Lifting my hands over my head was also a bad idea...my body felt stiff.

I continued to move my hand back.

_What did I just hit?_

I slowly turned my head and willed my eyes to open.

_Who is this?_

A guy. In my bed. A naked guy in my bed. A good looking, naked guy in my bed. Fuck, where are my...I reached my hand down...oh my God!

I felt gross. My legs were...what was that? Sticky. Ewwwwww.

My eyes blinked as they continued to adjust to the light coming in through the window when his eyes popped open.

His eyes rapidly blinked at me as he came to the same conclusion I just had.

"Um, hello," his voice was thick with sleep.

"Hi," I replied slowly.

"Um, I'm Edward." He lifted his hand to shake mine.

"Bella," I took it, but it felt like slow motion.

"Do you?" I didn't finish my train of thought.

"I don't remember anything; I went to a party and then...it all goes fuzzy," he explained. His eyebrows were raised together, and he looked like he was willing his memory to work.

"You've got more than me...I don't remember anything, either," I explained.

"Okay, well, bathroom?" He eyed me as I nodded my head to the far side of my room. We were the only dorm room that had access to a private bathroom, and we kept it a secret.

"You have a bathroom attached to your room?" he asked skeptically.

"Um yeah, we don't know why, though, something about what the dorms were before they make them dorms." I waved my hand signaling I was done talking. My head was throbbing.

As Edward stood up, I felt the sheet slip, but I held it in place to keep me covered.

"Uh, Bella?" Edward called and my eyes snapped open. I couldn't tell what he was looking at, so I just gave him a blank stare.

"Are you a..." He put his head down.

I pulled the sheet back and inspected the mess that had been made. Blood stained my thighs, parts of my legs, and all of the bedding under me.

"I guess I was," I shrugged off. Truthfully, I wasn't waiting for any particular reason then lack of choices. I grew up in a very small town with my father as the police chief. A few of the boys in school wanted to date me, but none of them would take it that far. I figured I'd loose it in college eventually, but this wasn't how I had envisioned it.

"I'm sorry," I heard him whisper before shutting the door behind him.

Edward came out several minutes later with a towel at his waste. I wrapped the sheet around me as I went in, cleaned up, and came out. I threw on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. Edward was still sitting on my bed, and I was semi-surprised.

"Bella, before I go, I just have one question." He looked so nervous, and I felt like shit. The only thing I wanted to do was change my sheets and go back to sleep. "Are you on any form of birth control?"

My head snapped up as I shook my head no. My eyes widened, and I started to panic. My eyes shot to the calendar on the wall and the little red dot indicating the last time I had a period. I started counting on my fingers... "Oh God."

"Please tell me we used a condom, please," I pleaded, but he shook his head no. "Oh my God."

"Don't panic." Edward shot up to stand next to me. "Look, I'm sorry this happened, but I left my number on your table. Maybe we can go get some coffee in a few days, chances are nothing will happen. The odds are in our favor, but just in case." He sighed and it wasn't helping my nerves.

I nodded my head as he walked out the door.

Sure enough, on my night stand was a phone number, a bottle of water from my mini-fridge, and two tablets of Tylenol he must have found on my dresser.

_Well...at least he was a considerate one-night stand. _

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**So I hope everyone enjoyed this. It was interesting to write and to get into Bella's hand. My pre-reader made a comment that she can tell I "hear" Edward far better than I do Bella and I was surprised she picked up on that. So I hope it's what you were expecting...and to what every happened to James and Vicky? Well James is currently in jail for drugging girls and Vicky is well...married with 2.5 kids living her HEA with Laurent ;) Why am I saying this? Because I want everyone to know, they will NEVER pop up in Blind Intentions. What we the readers see here, these two don't remember the next day. And really, even if they did, it wouldn't make a difference. They both feel blessed to be parents of Nathan and they wouldn't go back and change it regardless!  
**

**Blind Intentions will be updating tomorrow night. With Outtake #3 popping up Tuesday evening! I'll then be going MIA for Christmas, you can find me on twitter and the Twilighted thread.  
**

**Don't forget Voting for Round 2 of the Avant Garde Awards is open until Dec 26th! Blind Intentions is up for 3 separate awards so regardless of who you vote for, please vote for someone! **http:/twilightfb-awards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/p/vote(dot)html


	3. The Break Up

**So, here is outtake #2 of I don't know how many I'm doing! It's title- The Non One-Night Stand! Enjoy  
**

**Thank you to kas90 for betaing and morethanmyself for pre-reading. **

**I don't own Twilight.**

**YouTube Video of the Theme Song for this Outtake: http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=_L39XYjxtrU**

*Don't blame me, blame the 90's ;)***  
**

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"How did it go?" Jessica pounced on me the second I entered the door. She started to retreat almost immediately, and I knew my glare was like sending death rays straight through her head. "That bad? What happened?" Jessica's face went from anxious to worried.

Since we were roommates, we were forced to get along, and although I wouldn't probably pick her if I had another choice, she was a decent enough listener.

"They hated me..." I choked out before I started bawling. Jessica wrapped her arms around me and guided me to my bed.

That was where we stayed for over an hour as I tearfully explained my painful introduction to Edward's family, being abandoned at a hotel for almost a full day, the cold, silent treatment Edward started giving me after, and then how he explained his mother feared I was after his money. Jessica interjected very little and just let me talk.

I knew I wasn't meeting Edward's family under the best of circumstances. No one wants their son to come home with a knocked up girlfriend that you've heard nothing about until a few months prior. However, it's exactly how it happened. Three weeks after our "non one-night stand" we found out we were pregnant, and we both knew we couldn't kill the baby. I also knew I'd never be able to grow a baby and hand him or her off to strangers. For better or worse, I was going to be a mom.

Before this trip, I had thought I'd won the lottery of all 'one night stands' in history. Edward was...amazing. We got along really well, had a lot of common interests, and, overall,he was just easy to talk to and fun to be around. He wasn't the most talkative, but we could be sitting at a table in the library studying, or working on classwork, and his presence was calming. I was by no means in love with him, or ready to start talking about marriage, but I could see us evolving. Slowly becoming more...I definitely did not believe in love at first sight. Love wasn't easy, it took time and trust. All of that was shattered now.

By the time he made it back to the hotel, I was starving, had no sleep, and we had to fly out only a few hours later. Not exactly how I envisioned meeting the grandparents of my baby-to-be. Their immediate reaction was hatred, disdain, and dislike, but nothing prepared me for the way Edward acted when we went to lunch the next day, at the airport, or during the car ride back to campus. It was like the Edward I knew was gone and replaced by a stone sculpture. Watching him go from treating me like a person to a gold digger was sobering. He didn't even offer to carry my bag up to my room, which was unlike him, since a week ago, I wasn't fit to lift a coffee pot for fear of hurting the baby.

I knew we would be in each other's life regardless, we had a baby on the way, but I rather liked the idea of a relationship working out between the two of us. Growing up, I didn't believe in fairy-tales, but I wanted my child to have what I never did. A stable home, two parents who loved them and loved each other...coming from a broken home wasn't always easy, and I never wanted that for my own future, let alone the future of my baby.

I cried myself to sleep that night and the next several nights after that. Jessica was the best, she ensured that I ate, got a shower, and did minimal schoolwork. She continued to urge me to call Edward, but I couldn't. Not after he dropped me at a hotel for nearly a day and then acted like an ass for the rest of the time. This time, he needed to come to me.

On day three, I caved and went to my bank, after writing down everything he had bought, and drained my savings account. I was pretty sure I was a little under, but it was all I had. I showed up at his dorm and slide the envelope under his door. He didn't have a roommate, so I didn't have to worry about theft, and I was in no shape to see him face to face. I wanted him to know I didn't care if he was the son of the President or the son of a coal miner, I liked him for him. Money meant nothing to me. Beyond the basics for food, clothes, and shelter, I didn't see the need in frivolous purchases. Dating a 'Cullen' wasn't going to change that.

When Edward called that night, I should have been more prepared, but I wasn't. He told me he had made a reservation to take me out, he said he wanted to tell me he was sorry, but I told him I couldn't afford it. Until I knew he no longer thought of me as a gold digger, I'd never let him pay for anything, but at this point, I only had enough money to eat at the cafeteria. My meal plan was still paid for, so I'd have to make due until the end of the term, unless I wanted to get a job. Edward was agitated at me for not accepting his invitation, but when he kept pushing, I yelled. And then he yelled, and out of no where I hear, "You are just like what my mom warned me about!"

I froze.

If Edward truly thought that about me, it was over. I couldn't...no, _wouldn't_ put up with that. I had respect, dignity...pride.

The next night, I showed up at his dorm to talk to him. To have a sit down and hash everything out, even if we were over, the baby wasn't going anywhere. He was still going to be a father. When he didn't answer, despite seeing the shadows of his feet under the door, I gave up. I took an index card out of my bag and wrote the words 'I'm sorry' down before sliding it under his door.

It was my apology for giving up. I didn't have it in me to fight. I was tired, pregnant, and stressed about where I would be living next term and finishing up my degree. I didn't have anything left to give. Edward had been such a firm, solid support beam for me that I took him for granted and now was facing what my life was really about to become. Whether he was there or not, I was going to be a mom.

That night, when he showed up at my dorm, I gave him the one thing he couldn't give me...the courtesy to open the door.

His eyes looked more tired than normal, his hair messier than average, and his clothes were un-tucked and wrinkled. He looked like a mess, and as much as I cared, I didn't care enough.

"May I come in?" he asked, and I shook my head no. "Look, I wanted to talk, apologize..."

"We're over, Edward," I stated as calmly as I could.

"Bella, I know I've been a jerk, but if you'd just..." he pushed.

"No, we're done." I was moments away from breaking down, and I needed this to be over. My cold, hard words caused Edward to take a step back. He gave me just enough space to slam my door.

He didn't attempt to knock again, and I heard feet shuffling as few seconds later as I collapsed against the door in tears.

That was how Jessica found me when she tried to open the door. She got me into bed that night. It was the last night I cried myself to sleep over Edward Cullen.

The next morning, I reminded myself that I didn't belong in a fairy tale. When the song _Cinderella _by I5 started blaring from Jessica's radio alarm clock it was my sign...it was time for me to stand up.

Bella...mother-to-be.

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**So I hope everyone enjoyed this. It was interesting to write and to get into Bella's head again. Hopefully people understand the end of Edward and Bella some more and how things changed! I also hope this shows Bella's strength...I do not write canon pushover Bella, not by a long shot in this story.  
**

**See you after Christmas! I hope everyone has a nice holiday week, regardless of what you celebrate!  
**

**Don't forget Voting for Round 2 of the Avant Garde Awards is open until Dec 26th! Blind Intentions is up for 3 separate awards so regardless of who you vote for, please vote for someone! **http:/twilightfb-awards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/p/vote(dot)html


	4. Three Days Later

**I wrote this outtake for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence! The donations hit the scale at $2645, which is an astounding number, and my thanks goes out to all those who opened their wallets. If you'd like more information about donating, or the details for this cause, check out **http:/ fandomagainstdomesticviolence(dot)blogspot(dot)com/

**This outtake shoes Edward and Bella three days after their one-night stand, and the conversation they had in at the coffee house.**

**I don't own Twilight, as much as I'd like to. **

**A special thanks to kas90 for betaing and morethanmyself, jadsmama, and devonsmaid for pre-reading.  
**

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Four day ago, I was your average college student, worrying about mid-terms, projects, and chapter reading. I spent more time thinking about which report I had due next, and if my scholarship would hold out for the next semester, than I did about anything else.

Three nights ago, I was pushed by my roommate to attend a party. It was there that became the statistic. I met a man, and brought him home, only to wake up without the knowledge of how I got there, or what his name was. All I knew was that my head hurt, my body ached, and opening my eyes was painful.

All I could do was sit here and wait...coffee in hand, table picked out, and nothing but time on my hands. I specifically arrived at Starbucks fifteen minutes early, because I wanted to be comfortable before he walked through the doors.

I was true to my word and called Edward as soon as my hungover faded. It was during that call we decided to meet again. Like me, he couldn't remember any details of our night together or how it happened, but both of us were drinking heavily. Or, at least, heavily enough for us both to black out.

Three nights ago, I was a virgin. And, now, I was waiting to come face-to-face with the man I had slept with.

Jessica, my roommate, felt horrible when I retold my tale. So horrible, in fact, that she went on to explain to me, in great detail, how amazing Mike Newton was in bed. In fact, I knew more about her sexual encounter that night, than my own. Was I bitter? Absolutely!

It would be an understatement to call the morning after 'awkward.' On the phone, Edward apologized time and time again for being my first, but I continued to assure him it was fine. Honestly, I was more disappointed that I didn't remember than I was about the person. It wasn't that I was waiting for 'the one' or anything, it was just a lack of availability before college, and then I got so wrapped up in school, I just didn't have time. Now, I was 'de-flowered' and I didn't even remember it.

Great story for my future daughters!

Of course, once we realized we used no form of protection, I went into panic mode, while Edward assured me statistics were on our side. Of course, I had just become the most cliche statistic alive for college students, so the notion was not comforting to me at all.

It was during my internal musing that Edward sat down in front of me.

My eyes immediately snapped up to the bronze haired, green eyed man who'd I woken up to several days prior. This time, his hair was still messy, he looked more rested, and he was wearing clothes. I'd be lying if I said the naked version of Edward wasn't appealing, but, for now, at least, I needed to keep my minds off of those memories.

"Hey," he spoke first. "I'm Edward Cullen." He put his hand out, as if we've never met before, and I raised an eyebrow as I followed his lead.

"I'm Bella Swan," I replied as our hands dropped.

I shifted nervously as he laughed.

"I'm sorry, I've been thinking up ideas to make this less awkward, but I've failed. So, how about we just get to know each other. Sound okay?" he asked. His words sounded genuine, and he seemed like a nice guy, so I nodded.

"Sure, that sounds," I coughed attempting to clear the lump out of my throat, "good, that sounds good."

"Do you want me to go first?" he inquired, and I nodded.

That was how I first learned about Edward Cullen. He explained that he was in school to become a doctor, like his father. He didn't grow up in the area, but he had chosen to come to the University of Washington on a whim. He had an older brother and sister, and his parents were still happily married.

"So, what about you?" he prompted after his entire spiel ended.

"Um, well," I started. "Not much to tell. My parents split when I was young. I lived with my mom growing up, I then moved in with my dad when I was a teenager. He's the police chief of a small town called Forks, it's about four hours from here. Anyways, I'm an English major, and I want to write." I shrugged my shoulders after I was done rambling.

"That sounds...exciting," he laughed nervously.

"Yeah, I don't know, I'm not really all that exciting." I bit my lip and shifted my eyes downward.

"You're very exciting," he announced suddenly. "I mean, um...crap I didn't mean, I just...I swear I can talk, normally, just not around you."

"Geez, thanks." I laughed sarcastically as I rolled my eyes.

"God, that sounds horrible, what I mean is, well...you're gorgeous, for starters, and I don't really remember all of the details, but I want to get to know you," Edward continued to ramble, but I was still stuck on his 'gorgeous' comment. I never thought of myself as bad looking, but I wouldn't have used the word gorgeous to describe myself.

"What?" he finally asked, and I shook my head.

"Nothing, I just, thank you, no one has ever called me gorgeous before, and, um, you're not so bad yourself." I tried to make myself sound confident, but I was failing as miserably as he was. We both sounded like blubbering idiots when I knew we had a serious matter to discuss.

"Thank you," I heard his whisper, and I smiled. I began to force my brain to start thinking logically and finally managed to get my thoughts in order.

"So, we didn't use protection," I broached, and he nodded. "I know you said the chances are slim, but I want...no need, to know where you stand if something happens as a result."

"Well," Edward started thoughtfully. "If you become pregnant because of our night, I'm here for you, and the baby, in whatever capacity you want me to be."

I started at Edward with an incredulous look. There was no way, in this world, I not only happened to fall into bed drunk with a nice guy, but a guy who would take 'responsibility' of his actions. There was a catch...there had to be a catch.

"Don't stare at me like that," he gently snapped. "I realize how I sound, but I'm serious. If you become pregnant, I'm here, and I will always be there for my child."

I nodded, still seemingly speechless.

"I do have a question of my own," he started, and I snapped my attention at him. "If you do become pregnant, I'd like to know now if you'd ever look at alternate options."

"No," I half yelled. The attention of several customers, and even the barista, now on me. "Sorry, no, I would never, God, no, I'd never kill a baby."

Edward's shoulders relaxed a little, but he still had a questioning look on his face.

"And adoption?" he pushed.

"Never," I stated without a second look.

"You answered really quick, have you ever thought about..." his voice trailed off, and I could feel the tears in my eyes.

"Um, no," I replied quietly. "I hadn't been thinking about it, it's just, my mom did something similar, and it's part of why I moved in with my dad. If, um, if I become pregnant, I'll have the baby and raise him or her."

"Well, at least we're on the same page." He smiled, and I half smiled back. I quickly choked back the tears that were forming because of the memories of my mom's past and what she had done.

Edward glanced down at his watch, and I remembered him telling me he had a class after our meeting.

"Time for class?" I asked.

He nodded but didn't break eye contact.

"I can skip, if you wanna keep talking," he offered, but I shook my head no.

"No, no, you go to class, we can talk again later," I answered. I didn't want him missing class over me.

"Okay, well then, are you doing anything for dinner tomorrow night?" he asked.

"Um, no," my voice sounded hesitant.

"I'd love to take you out," he offered. "We can continue to talk and get to know each other." The smile on his face looked so hopeful that I couldn't turn him down. So, I agreed, and he promised to call that night to arrange a time. We awkwardly half hugged before he left, and, as awkward as our meeting had gone, it left me hopeful. I took comfort in the knowledge that he wouldn't push me to 'get rid of' any possible baby, but a pang of fear still resided in my head. Edward Cullen was polite, courteous, and incredibly good looking, but I couldn't help but fear that he was just too good to be true.

* * *

**If you're waiting on an update to Blind Intentions, my goal is to have it up by Friday :)  
**

**SammieLynnsMom Fanfiction on Facebook **http:/www(dot)facebook(dot)com/?ref=home#!/profile(dot)php?id=100002011260119&sk=wall **and SammieLynnsMom on twitter**


	5. Ch 9 The Letter from Tanya to Edward

**Now that Blind Intentions has been updated in full, minus the futuretakes I'm writing, I wanted to update the outtakes to reflect the special review replies that went out during the time the story was a WIP! **

**This is the letter from Chapter 9. It was written by Esme, but at the time in the story, Edward believe it was left by Tanya.**

* * *

Edward~

First let me start by saying I miss you. Being apart from you is making my heart break everyday, but I have to stay away, at least until the truth is out. I know the cops came looking for me, but I swear to you I didn't do this. I don't know who has set me up, but I swear it wasn't me. Honestly, if I had to guess, I'd say Bella is behind all of this. She's so starved for attention she'd kill her own child to get it, maybe you could refer to someone for that. You shouldn't listen to anything Garrett has to say, first he confesses and now says it's my fault. It wasn't me!

I've been away getting more evidence together and once I can prove my innocence we can be together again. We can start that family you always wanted to have together.

I love you Edward and I hope you're missing me as much as I'm missing you!

Yours forever, until death do us part, wait for me Edward,  
Tanya


	6. Ch 10 Bella versus Kate, BPOV

**Now that Blind Intentions has been updated in full, minus the futuretakes I'm writing, I wanted to update the outtakes to reflect the special review replies that went out during the time the story was a WIP! **

**This is the confrontation with Kate from Chapter 10 in Bella's Point of View.  
**

* * *

I continued to pick at the sandwich I'd gotten to eat when Edward excused himself to grab a drink to bring upstairs.

If you had told me a month ago that my life would have literally been flipped over, I would have grabbed Nathan and ran for the hills. As a mom, nothing could have prepared me for the day my child went missing.'Nor could it prepare me for the day when I'd found out it was the hands of someone close to us.

I was never a fan of Tanya, but not for the reason most people would think. After Nathan was born, any romantic feelings I had towards Edward had died. I realized then that at one time I thought he had a lot of the characteristics that I wanted, but, in the end, it was nothing more than wanting a 'happily ever after' ending. I blamed the hormones.

Edward was kind and considerate, but his family almost made me run for the hills on several occasions. I was sure Esme had her reasons for hating me, as deranged as they probably were, but it didn't matter. I saw Edward for who he was, a man who would never step up against his mother. It was that realization that caused me to break everything off. I was not willing to become "second rate" to anyone for the rest of my life. If that meant being alone, then at least I'd come first to me.

When I met Tanya I didn't really have an opinion of her. She seemed nice, although she seemed fake. I monitored her interactions with Nathan for a while, but he seemed to be okay with her, and Edward seemed to fall in love with her. It meant "family" functions became less awkward because Esme was too busy kissing Tanya's ass then telling me I was a gold digger. Funny thing is, I had a job, and Tanya didn't, but I was the gold digger. I internally shrugged. I obviously hadn't been a good judge of character, but I refused to let that happen again.

Truth be told, I was terrified to live with Edward. We had no problem being civil, even friendly towards each other, but, really, I didn't know him anymore. I supposed I could have used this time to get to know him again, but I didn't know if he was worth the effort. I'd watched him go up against his family twice in the past twenty four hours, but I didn't know when the other shoe would fall. He claimed that things were over with Tanya when she wanted to go on vacation, yet I still walk in on...I shook my head. I did not need to visualize that again!

I heard my name being called, which broke me from the fog overtaking my thoughts. I looked up to see a woman standing before me. Dark shoulder length hair with a slight girl, way too much make-up, and a strapless silk dress. She was NOT a local for sure.

"Excuse me, are you Bella Swan?" She asked. Her voice was polite, but I didn't know her.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm Kate Winston, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a few minutes."

"I'm sorry I don't talk to the media."

"Oh, I'm not a reporter."

"Then who are you?"

"I'm Garrett's wife, Garret Randall."

My blood ran cold. I knew that name, and it belonged to the man I wished death upon. How his wife had the nerve to want to speak to me shocked me. Kate took my silence as a green light to begin talking.

She explained how amazing Garrett was, and how they had two children together, that it was all Tanya's fault, and when they started having an affair, he went crazy, and she was pleading with me to lessen the charges. I continued to listen to this woman, who was out of her mind until I found my voice back.

I stood up, my fists white knuckling the table in an attempt not to swing at her.

"You want me to what?" I screeched whispered.

"They say he'll go away for twenty years, by then our kids will be in college. As a mother you have to understand how important it is to be there for your children. I'm just asking that you make them let him out after a few years. I don't want to be a single parent."

"Your husband," I spat, "took my seven year old little boy, stuffed him into a bag, and threw him off a cliff! And you want to talk to me about being a single parent? I almost lost him and you..."

"He's alive, though, now; he's not dead," she rushed.

Edward chose that moment to walk up. I could tell he was taking accounting of our conversation and immediately took a defense stance in front of me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but in the moment, I was only thankful I would go to jail for killing her. The nerve of this woman.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts I completely missed my dad showing up and escorting Kate away.

When Edward still hadn't let go of me in the elevator I wanted to push away, but he was the only thing keeping me from hunting this Kate Winston down.

When we entered Nathan's room ,I was reminded of why I was here. My baby was lying in that bed, and I needed to get a grip for when he woke up.

The moment I chose to sit down and grab his hand, his eyes flew open.

Relieve spread through me as I told him hi.

When he leaned up towards me to tell me his first recollection of his abduction, I went numb.

Up until that point it was all speculation, strong speculation, but still speculation.

Now we knew without a doubt it was Tanya.

And I knew, without a doubt, I would kill her the next time I saw her.


	7. Ch 22 Bella's POV after Esme leaves

**Now that Blind Intentions has been updated in full, minus the futuretakes I'm writing, I wanted to update the outtakes to reflect the special review replies that went out during the time the story was a WIP! **

**This is the after the confrontation with Esme in Chapter 22. It's from BPOV and is from the time period from her running off until he finds her in her room.  
**

* * *

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice, but it sounded distant.

_Beautiful_

_Amazing_

_Caring_

_Not a gold-digger_

Did he just say all of that? About me? I thought he felt that way...but to stand up to his mom? Did he just...

When I turned my face towards his, I could see the hesitancy behind his eyes as he held his hands up. He did...did he mean this?

I heard myself sob before I recognized the moisture on my cheeks.

I didn't know what to do, so I ran.

The only room Edward had never invaded was my room. This was my safe haven when I couldn't handle him anymore.

Over the past nine years, I had seen Edward be a lot of things, but I had never seen him be the man I saw today. When I saw him walk into the room, I expected him to snap at me for hitting his precious mother, but then he didn't...and then he said...

I started to sob harder. My heart felt like it was ripped to shreds.

I was lying to myself if I didn't see a family with Edward, but I couldn't do it. I had never thought I wanted it before, but now that he was here, everyday, I wanted it. I wanted to trust him, but I didn't know how because memories of her always loomed in my head, but now...now...God, I was so confused.

"Bella?" I heard him before I saw him. I looked up and was captivated by his eyes, so I quickly glanced down. I couldn't let him see his effect on me, not until I knew what it meant.

Could I move past this?

Could we move past this?

I wasn't sure...but I was willing to try.


	8. Burn Baby, Burn!

**This Blind Intentions outtake was written for the Fandom for the Floods! Thank you :**

Title: Burn, Baby Burn! (Blind Intentions Outtake)

Rating: M for disturbing theme and lemonade

Summary: Want to know how Tanya died? Or, what happened to Kate once she left Forks? It's all inside!

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just enjoy making them bend to my will!

* * *

Sigh.

Why am I here, again?

Oh wait, that's right, because I'm an 'unfit mother'.

"Oh Kate, the kids will be better off if..." my mom explained to me. Blah blah blah! My kids should be with ME! Not her! But, oh no, she wants them...so now she has them!

Why doeshe do this to me?

What does she have that I didn't?

Crap...did they just call my boarding pass?

Yup...

After taking a seat next to an elderly woman who smells like mothballs, I start to think up my plan.

My mission...get my kids back!

I miss them. I want them back.

Okay...think, Kate, think...go to Wisconsin.

I'm on a plane to Wisconsin.

Hide out for a month...wait, is a month too short? Yeah...okay, scratch that, hide out for three months.

Book flight to Alaska in three months, I write down on the notebook I pulled out of my bag.

_Smile and act happy. _That shouldn't be hard, right? I've only been smiling and acting happy since Garrett left. Why did he do this to me? Was I that bad? I didn't think I was.

Okay...now, I've got it! Flying to Wisconsin...God, I hate this part. Fuck, my ears hurt! Why do planes have to be goddamn loud?

I can't think...crap, where are my pills?

I rummage through my bag until I hear the clattering sound only they made. They make me feel better.

"Yes, please." I smile at the woman offering me some water.

Two in, one gulp, and swallow. I could have done it dry, but water works better.

Time...yes, I have time. I can think of my plan in...man, they're hitting fast...sleepy...

* * *

"Um, ma'am," I hear in my ear. I blink once. Then twice. It's not loud anymore, and the sun...fuck, why didn't I put down the window cover?

"We've landed," she states before picking up her bag and walking away.

I nod, grab my bag, and stumble as I stand up.

"Do you need help?" I hear a masculine voice behind me. The voice sounds so familiar. He almost sounds like...OUCH! I whipped my head around too fast, and I grew dizzy. He puts out his arm to steady me, and I see his face. He's not my Garrett, but he's hot. Dark hair, blue eyes, and a cute smile. One glance down and I see the ring. That ring that should mean everything, but I doubt means anything. I know his type.

"I'd love some help." I lay my dumb-blonde acct on well. I'm a brunette, but that didn't mean I couldn't play dumb. He smiles, and I know that smile.

We landed at the far end of the airport, and the walk is brutal. He keeps talking, but I'm not listening. I smile and giggle at appropriate times, but I'm not listening.

I can see the guard, and I can see the room.

_He_ took me in one of those rooms before. I wonder if he took that tramp, too?

"So, what do you think?" he asks as he stops moving.

"Huh?" I whisper. Pretend lust is oozing from my tone. He's no different.

"Can I have your number?" he asks, and I shake my head no.

He looks crestfallen, and I see him stare at his ring for a second.

"Look, do you just wanna fuck? There's a family bathroom over there, and frankly, you want to fuck, not call me later, right?" The fake clique stays, but my brain remains.

He smiles and steers straight for the room.

One look left. One look right. Nobody's watching.

The door shuts, the lock latches, and the light stays off.

One raised skirt, one dropped pants, and I'm bent with my hands on the wall.

He thrusts in and out, but I feel nothing. I wanted to feel something, but I feel nothing.

A grunt and it's done. I'm no different than _him_ anymore.

The skirt goes down, the pants go up, and he asks for my name.

I couldn't help but laugh, so I flipped the light on. I needed to see his face.

"Why, darling? So you can tell your wife you just fucked a girl named Kate in the airport bathroom? I bet she's waiting for you..." my voice trails off as the door slams.

My bag is light and already out when I make it to luggage. As I leave, I see him. His perfect wifey on his arm. I wonder if she knows. I bet she doesn't. I bet he'll never tell her. He never wanted to tell me, but I found out, and look where it got me. I wish I was there. Not knowing has got to be better than knowing. 

* * *

So much time wasted on the drive.

How long? I don't know, but any time spent here has got to be a waste of my time.

The driver pulls up, let's me out, and leaves. At least my parents were nice enough to pay a driver.

I look at the cabin and it is the same. It has been ages since I was here last, but it hasn't changed. Small. Logged. Middle of nwhere.

I could hide here...three months, I can do three months.

As I make my way up, I notice a window open. Odd.

The door was closed and locked, but mom gave me the key before I left.

In and turn, and the door opens.

My parents are very neat people. Everything has order. Every nook has a purpose. Purple with purple, sheets with sheets, pillows this way not that way...purpose, place, perfection. But this...this was dirty. Clothes piles, dirty dishes...someone is living here?

I didn't hear any noises. No distinct smells.

Until I saw...the bedroom door opens silently, and there she is.

Red hair...red hair...RED!

My head snaps in every direction until I see it. Rope. Why was rope here? I didn't know, but it was a sign...a motherfucking sign. Bottles of wine are empty around the bed. Her chest moves signalling breathing, but her body reeks of alcohol. One slip here, and another there, and she has nowhere to go.

I walk out of the room and notice the papers and books on the table. A journal is open, and I see it. She had a plan. The whore had a plan. Well, plans change. My plan changes.

I quietly sneak out to the shed. I jimmy the lock, and it opens. I smile as I realized the cans are full. My dad always made sure they were full. I never asked why, but it was a sign. Another sign.

The house reeks of fumes, but I didn't care. Day turned to night as I sat and read. Her books made me sick. Why would he do this? And, for what, the whore passed out drunk in bed.

It starts with a fidget and then a pull. A pull turns to a blink as she becomes aware.

"Hello, Tanya," I sneer as she comes to.

"What are you doing here?" she whispers hoarsely.

"I came to, decompress," I reply...my voice a honey sweet sound.

"Why am I tied up?" She began to panic. She pulls, but it's no use. I did grow up in Alaska, camping and fishing were my thing, and nothing she could do was going to pull them loose.

"So you can't run away," I answer with a duh expression to my face.

"What do you want?" she asks once she's done pulling.

"Nothing you can give me." My answer was the truth. She couldn't give me my husband back. She couldn't give me my children back. But there was always the matter of her life. She deserved to pay for what she took, and I would see to it that her debt was paid in full.

"I have money," she started begging. I laughed as she rattled off all the things she had.

I climbed over her half naked body. She began to pull again, but it was no use. I brought my face to hers and just stared. She looked so small. So lost. So hopeless. So absolutely perfect. I wanted her broken.

I climbed off the bed and began to gather up all the papers. The law would need these, and I will see to it that they had it all. I find a bag in the kitchen to put it all in, so I did, and I seal it before her.

"What are you doing with that?" Her eyes widen, and if I thought I saw fear before, I was mistaken.

I shrug before grabbing the can from the hallway. The liquid pours out, and she starts to scream. I stop listening to her words and focus on the sound. The panic was intoxicating. It was like fuel running through my own veins. I douse the last few drops on her stomach before grabbing the bag and walking away.

"You can give me the pleasure of your screams," I speak as I wal off.

"Kate, you can't do this, this is wrong...Kate! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," she screams, but it is too late.

One matchm and the house began to burn.

I sit far enough outside the bedroom window so that I wouldn't get burnt, but close enough to hear her screams. I could tell as the fire creeps closer and closer to her. I laugh and laugh until I could see flames shooting out of the window and the crying stops. I didn't know if it was the fire or the smoke, but I didn't care...I got my revenge. Tanya gave me my revenge.

One quick stop at the front tree, and I am off.

I start walking, though I didn't know where I will go...I just keep walking. The sounds of Tanya's screaming replaying in my head pushing adrenaline through my veins with each step.

* * *

**So, I told you Kate was crazy ;)**

**For those wondering about the next chapter of Meeting Myself, I just got it back from my pre-readers and I have a few more things to tweak. It should be up this weekend-today is Baby Alice's first birthday and her party is Saturday, so hopefully no later than Sunday!**


	9. Hell Froze Over!

**Penname: SammieLynnsMom**

**Title: Hell Froze Over (A Blind Intentions Outtake)**

**Rating/Warning: T, no additional warnings needed**

**Summary: This is the beginning of the friendship we see between Bella and Alice.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A huge thank you to kas90_ for betaing, and morethanmyself & jadsmama for pre-**  
**reading. Thank you to everyone involved in putting together this compilation, and to**  
**all the wonderful people who donated! It never seizes to amaze me how awesome this**  
**fandom can be when we all pull together! You're all amazing!**

"Hi," Alice said cheerfully as she took the seat opposite me.

Few things shocked me these days, but receiving a call from Alice Cullen because she wanted  
to meet for coffee definitely made the list of shocking events for the year.

"Hello," I replied back cautiously.

Though she wore a smile on her face, I was still heavily defensive. The last time I saw Alice was  
at Edward's wedding, and we didn't part ways amicably. She felt that because Edward would  
miss his time with Nathan while he was away on his honeymoon, she should get some time to  
babysit him. I had already arranged to take Nathan out of town with me on a mini vacation, and  
that simply wasn't going to happen. We ended up in a screaming match because I refused to  
give in-frankly, I didn't feel the least bit sorry considering Edward agreed with me, anyway.

"So, you're probably wondering why I called, huh?" she started, and all I could do was nod as I  
sipped my coffee. "Well, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

"For?" I asked after she didn't continue.

"Well, everything. I'm sorry about how I treated you when I first met you, and I'm sorry for the  
way I've continued to treat you since I moved to Forks," she rattled off, all the while I just sat  
there guarded.

"I see," I replied unsure of what else to say.

"Look, I don't expect us to be best friends, but I just wanted you to know that I was wrong. My  
mother was delusional to think what she did, and I was crazy to follow. It was insensitive of me  
to assume I could watch Nathan whenever it was convenient for me, and I'm sorry I  
reconnected Edward and our mother to begin with," she clarified.

"Why did you ask me to meet you in Port Angeles?" I changed the direction of our conversation.

"Because I didn't want to be interrupted," Alice answered vaguely.

"You mean, you didn't want to be seen with me?" I rephrased, and her eyes went wide. "Look,  
though I thank you for your apology, if you're too scared to be seen in public with me, well, I'd  
rather not waste my time." I stood up to leave, and it took Alice a second to try and stop me.

"Bella, please don't leave. It's not that I'm embarrassed of you, or of talking to you. It's just that,  
I figured if we weren't seen, it would make life easier on you," she explained, and I laughed.

"Make it easier on me? Alice you've got to be joking," I scoffed as I walked away.

"No, really. It was Jasper's idea not to meet in Forks. My mom, she doesn't talk to you, right?  
We were both scared if she knew I was talking to you, that she's start to target you again, and  
we didn't want that," she forced out causing me to stop.

I turned around and could see the sincerity of her words. She looked apologetic and panicked  
that I was walking away, so I sighed and sat back down.

"Thank you," she said, and I shrugged.

"Why now?" I asked next, and Alice started to explain that she'd been seeing a therapist  
recently to handle some of the issues from her childhood. She came to realize that the only  
reason she was so cruel to me was because she was continuing to try and please her mother,  
despite knowing she'd never receive her approval.

In my time of knowing Edward, he rarely spoke of his childhood. I knew that his parents came  
from money and his medical history as it pertained to our son, but that was where the  
information stopped. Having Alice open up to me like this was my way to try and learn more  
about that time.

"You want to know about how we were raised?" Alice asked slightly shocked, and I  
nodded. "Well, that would depend on who you'd want to know about. Are you asking about me  
and Emmett or Edward?"

"Didn't you grow up together?" I asked confused.

She started to laugh, and that was when I realized there was a lot more that I didn't know. I  
hoped any information she could give me would help me in understanding why Edward had  
gone from being a near perfect father to nonexistent in the matter of a year.

"Emmett and I were ignored once Edward was born. Our mother hired a nanny and, for the  
most part, she raised us. Emmett took it better than I did. I just wanted my mom, ya know?" she  
asked, and I nodded. I could sympathize with that part. "Edward, though, well, they were  
attached at the hip. In our mother's eyes, he was the 'Golden Child,' and he was always treated  
as such."

"You resented him?" I stated, even though I knew the answer.

"I still resent him," she replied honestly. "I sat back and watched Edward be perfect. Now that  
my eyes have been opened, I see his failings, but he's so wrapped up in her there is nothing I  
can do."

I cocked my head to the side in question because that statement was incredibly vague.

"Sorry, I meant with you and Nathan. It was Jasper that pointed out to me that I was the reason  
they started talking after the whole court fiasco, and I regret that phone call so much. I have no  
idea what it was like for you two, but if I could go back in time, I would," she explained, but I  
waved her off.

"It wouldn't have mattered. He would have found an excuse to call her," I dismissed.

"So, nothing would have happened? I mean, between you two?" she asked cryptically, and I  
rolled my eyes.

"I'd be lying if I said things hadn't gotten better, but no, we wouldn't have gotten back together if  
that is what you're wondering. As long as Esme was around, that would have never happened,  
and now, well, I don't even know Edward anymore," I muttered.

"What do you mean? Of course you know my brother," she corrected.

"Sure, I know him, but I also don't know him now. I honestly regret moving to Forks because the  
second we came here, everything changed. He's never there for Nathan anymore, and I swear,  
Tanya sees him more when it's his time then he does. Frankly, I'm at the point where I want to  
file for sole custody and stop putting Nathan through the back and forth," I answered honestly,  
and for a second, I regretted my words. I still didn't know if I could trust Alice, and Lord knows  
what would happen if Esme heard me say that. I think Alice could tell my internal struggle when  
she let me know nothing said would go back to anyone.

"So, he never spends time with him?" she wondered, and I shook my head.

"No, not really. He's missed more time in the last year than he'd missed the previous five years

put together. I don't know what to do because I've tried talking to him, and it's like he's not even  
listening. I don't think he's happy," I suggested.

"I don't know why he wouldn't be happy," Alice said errantly.

"Well, I can tell you he lives at that damn hospital, so it's not like he's spending any time at  
home. I've seen Edward be dedicated to a patient or a project before, but never like this, and I  
really don't want to intervene, but it's getting to a point where I have to," I explained the details  
of my situation, and Alice just nodded.

"Yeah, he was over at our parents' house last week, and he was acting off. I mean, I'm not  
really friends with my own brother, but it was weird," she went on to recount the family day they  
had, and how Edward was constantly on the phone followed by leaving early to take an extra  
shift.

"It's getting late," I said as I glanced at my watch. "I need to go pick up Nathan."

"Isn't today an Edward day? It's why I picked it," she tried to correct.

"It is, but Tanya already called earlier to let me know Edward wouldn't be home, so I normally  
just pick him up, anyway. At least he gets attention from one parent," I muttered.

"I know I'm not my brother's ally, but try not to give up on him. He really can be a good guy," she  
tried to explain, but I shrugged her off.

"I used to know that guy, but he's given up on Nathan," I stated, and her face went pained.

"I know what that's like," she said sadly. "Anyway, you need to get going, but I'd really like to do  
this again. Edward may not be around for Nathan, but I'd really like to get to know him better  
outside of family holidays."

"I'll think about it," I said cautiously, and for a second she looked hurt. "I'd say it's not personal,  
but we'd both know that would be a lie. I just need some time to process this, okay?'

She nodded, and we walked off in separate directions.

Sure enough, Nathan was ready to go as soon as I pulled up into the driveway. He looked so  
defeated, but I was able to cheer him up with a movie and ice cream.

"When do you think Dad will play with me again?" Nathan asked dejected. "He's never home  
when I go to his house."

"I don't know, but I'll call him in the morning, okay?" I offered, and he nodded.

I tucked Nathan into bed and found my phone.

Even though it was late, I dialed Edward's number anyway, knowing he'd be at the hospital.

"Dr. Cullen," Edward answered after the first ring, which meant he didn't look at the ID.

"Are you busy?" I asked even though I didn't honestly care at that moment.

"Bella?" he questioned and replied, "Um, no. I have a minute."

"Good, I'd like to know when you planned to spend a day with your son?" I asked irritated.

"Look, I know it's been bad, but..." he tried to excuse, but I'd had enough.

"Edward, I don't want to hear an excuse. I just put our seven year old to sleep with tears in his  
eyes because he doesn't understand why his father wants nothing to do with him. Tomorrow,  
you will be at my house in the morning to pick him up, and you will do something together. I  
don't care what it is, but it needs to be you and him. Do I make myself clear?" I snapped.

"Bella, I don't get off until five, and you expect me to take Nathan for the whole day?" he whined.

"Yes, that is exactly what I expect," I agreed.

"Look, I get off at five, and I'm expected back in at..." he tried to get out of it again.

"Edward, you will do as I say, or I will take you to court. I can't do this anymore, and Nathan is  
the one getting hurt. You will be here or you won't see him again," I explained before hanging  
up on him.

When Edward didn't try and call back, I decided I didn't have much else to lose by giving Alice a  
chance. So I then called and invited her over for lunch the next day. She accepted, and I went  
to bed hopeful that at least Nathan would get to know his aunt, and prayed I'd see Edward first  
thing in the morning.


End file.
